Luke 9:18-26
18And it happened that while He was praying alone, the disciples were with Him, and He questioned them, saying, "Who do the people say that I am?"
19They answered and said, "John the Baptist, and others say Elijah; but others, that one of the prophets of old has risen again."
20And He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" And Peter answered and said, "The Christ of God."
21But He warned them and instructed them not to tell this to anyone,
22saying, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day."
23And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
24"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
25"For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?
26"For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory, and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I was just taking a nap, and I woke up to hearing a sermon by John MacArthur on this passage, along with some other passages too, which was playing on Unchained Radio.
It is a very strange experience when you wake up from sleep and hear a voice coming out of nowhere that is talking about exactly what you are battling.
So, here's the thing:
I deal with depression and frustration, but that may not be the biggest problem I face.
I deal with heartbreak and pain, but that may not be the biggest problem I face.
here is the biggest thing I face:
24"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.So, right now, as I have been mentioning, I have been looking at Eastern Orthodoxy a lot recently. And, to be honest, while I am not completely sure it is right, I can say that I now believe that, if there is any Christian traditions which is right and leads to salvation, then Eastern Orthodoxy is it. Which is not to say that other Christian traditions are wrong, but, at the very least, EO is a member of the set of traditions which lead to salvation, to speak mathematically.
So, why am I not Orthodox right now? Well, there are a bunch of reasons: I am not completely sure it is right, I am not sure that it being right means that I right now am wrong, and other reasons.
Well, let's look at these:
1) I'm not completely sure that it is right. There are a few things that I think they may be wrong about, like the extent to which they venerate Mary, and a few other things too.
But, then again, I see a bunch of things in mainstream Evangelical traditions, in Reformed traditions, etc. that may be wrong. Also, I can't really be completely sure of anything, if I approach things only rationally, as I have a horrible tendency to do.
So, I need faith. This is true for any other tradition, and it is true for Orthodoxy. I am not completely sure about some things, but I think it is true, and so I should have faith.
There's more I could about this point, but I'll leave that for later.
2) I am not sure that it being right means that I right now am wrong. That is, what if it is right, but mainstream Evangelical is right too; i mean, what if both lead to salvation?
There is a lot to be said on this point, but I think it all boils down to this: Sure, all may lead to salvation, but which one leads to the greatest experience of salvation? To use a metaphor, you can live a normal life, or you could go jump off a building and break a leg. Sure, in either case, you will live, but which one is a better experience? Living without the broken leg, of course! Well, lets look at that theologically. Suppose you have two systems of theology or two traditions, call them A and B. Both may save, but A is closer to the truth about the way things are, concerning natural and supernatural matters. Which one should you pursue? A, of course.
Now, I'm not saying htat I think EO is A in that case, but... it may be. And I am trying to look at it and see if it is. But, I have to say, this too isn't the biggest thing I deal with in this whole matter of looking at EO.
3) "other things" : To be real, in this broad set lies all of the biggest concerns I have concerning EO. For instance,
- How will my relationship with my parents change if I became EO? the relationship with my brothers?
- How will my relationship with my friends here in Cal change? How about those not in Cal?
- How would becoming EO change the way I am supposed to live the rest of my life?
- Will I be able to fit in in the EO church?
And the list goes on and on. This is the biggest group of concerns that I have on my mind in this whole matter.
Indeed, if I look past just this matter of EO, this is one of the biggest concerns that I deal with in everyday life concerning, well, everything.
Well, concerning these concerns, what does Jesus say?
" 23And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me."
The biggest question I find myself facing is: no matter which tradition is true, no matter where I end up, no matter what I do with the rest of my life here as a student in Cal, no matter what I do with the rest of my life... Will I follow Jesus Christ, the Son of God, through all discomforts and unpleasantries, in the faith and hope that what he wants for me is what is best for me, and that I cannot comprehend his will?
And, ... i am weak. As i look at this, I have to admit, I have a hard time trusting God with everything. I don't know if I can truly say that God, as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is the most important thing to me.
i am weak. I care too much about experiencing a pleasant life, avoiding hardships, etc. I don't know if I can really say that I count all things as dung in order that I may gain Christ. In fact, I can say with confidence that I do not consider God highest. I care too much about comfort and pleasure.
i am weak.
Jesus calls me and tells me to give up everything - my life, hopes, dreams, comfort, whatever - and to pursue him. He calls me to walk the strait and narrow road, no matter how hard it will be. He calls me to have him as my only hope.
i am weak. i am weak. i am weak.
So, here I stand, at a crossroads, having to choose a path to take: will I follow Christ and pursue him as my all in all, or will I pursure pleasure, comfort, and happiness that I can see?
I'm not even referring to this entire EO matter, although that is part of it. Willl I follow him, no matter which one is true and no matter how making such a choice will affect the rest of my life?
And, this is a very simple yet deep issue. A lot of people face this. In fact, I hope everyong faces this question, about whether to follow Christ or not.
A lot of people deal with this issue. People I respect struggle with this. People I don't respect struggle with this. Smart people struggle with this. Stupid people struggle with this.
And, here I am. I struggle with this. I just cover this entire issue with a bunch of stuff. I try to decorate my problem, making it look different and better. I cover it with depression, theological concerns, social actions, and a lot of other stuff.
But, in reality, it is still the same issue that people have dealt with through the years. My friends have dealt with it. My pastor has dealt with it.
Peopple throughout history have dealt with it. Charles Spurgeon dealt with it. Martin Luther has dealt with it. Saint Augustine dealt with it. The Apostle Paul dealt with it. The 12 disciples had to deal with is.
And, here it is: Jesus asks and tells, "Who do you say that I am? ... Deny yourself, take up you cross and follow me."
i am weak. i am weak. i am weak.
God, i am weak. please help me to pursue the truth, and ot let the truth guide my life. i am weak.
Please help me. Please.
in Jesus' name, and
in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
Amen
Kyrie Eleison
Gospodi Pomilui
