Play this game

http://www.eyezmaze.com/grow/cube/

Wow, I spent a lot of time trying to get everything done... probably at least 30 to 45 minutes.


highlight below for the complete sol'n
man, water, plants, pot, pipe, fire, tree, bone, spring, ball

Random thoughts...

I have realized...

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Very few of my thoughts are original or very well thought out. Much of what I do, much of what I believe, is simply the result of me looking at what other people believe, and rejecting that in favor of what a seemingly educated or authoritative minority say about such things. I don't know if this is good or bad...

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I really like eastern orthodoxy. The more I look at it, the more I see a lot of truth in it. There are only a few things that I don't know if I agree with, like their views of the virgin Mary.

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When I get depressed, my mind is usually focused on certain topics and questions. When I am out of depression, those topics and questions are still there, unsolved and unanswered, but simply just out of mind. I wonder if perhaps I should try to deal with some of these issues, instead of simply ignoring them.

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most of my friends would reject most of my recent theological thoughts as quite heretical, just because they bear some resemblance to roman catholic beliefs and doctrines.

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As time progresses, I can't seem to keep close friends.

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I still don't know why I am doing school.

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I don't love God nearly enough. I still reject him everyday, in my actions and in my thoughts. And, yet he is still merciful.

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The church fathers are great sources of inspiration in living life in pursuit of God.

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...

Prayers by the Lake

Prayer 39

With prayer I cleanse the vision of my faith, lest it lose sight of you in the mist, O my Most Radiant Star.

"What use will your prayer be to God?" ask the swarthy workers of the earth.

You speak rightly, sons of earth. What use is the mariner's telescope to the North Star, when it sees the mariner even without a telescope? But do not ask me, since you already know, what use a telescope is to a mariner.

Prayer is necessary for me, lest I lose sight of the salvation-bearing Star, but the Star does not need it to keep from losing me.

What would become of my inner vision, if I were to stop training it with prayer?

Are the soldiers of the earth not trained, extensively and strenuously, to see targets in the distance?

Are weavers of silk not trained, extensively and strenuously, to recognize the finest fibers?

How could I not train the vision of my faith to see my sole treasure as clearly as possible?

Trapped in a web of illusions, I have barely caught sight of a way out, so do you really expect me to lose sight of it?

Get it into your heads, my fellow wayfarers, that seeing God is not a cheap affair. You who sacrifice fortunes to see the luxuriance of the tropics or the polar lights of the arctic, must pay more dearly to see the One for whom the luxuriance of the tropics is poverty and the polar lights are a tallow candle.

When you give even your entire life in order to see Him, you have barely paid a penny. Nevertheless He is mag­nanimous and good-hearted, and expects nothing more from you than this.

You who train your bodies, who every morning do not forget to exercise your arms and legs, your head and neck, are you in truth contemplative beings--you who are like samurai warriors? Are you in truth contemplative beings, if you maintain that your faith in God will become and remain clairvoyant without training? All the stars of Heaven, which have seen the experience of your fathers, bear witness to me that your faith will go blind, if indeed it had ever even begun to see at all. And in place of the lost blessing there will remain a hypocritical vision in name only.

Keep your eyes blindfolded for just three days, and afterward you will find that the light of the sun hurts them. Sever your bond with God for just three hours and you will find it painful to look at His light again.

You ask me: how long does my prayer last? Can you understand me when I tell you that it lasts longer than my days? For by my prayer I must train your faith also, and open its eyes, and show it how to see and whom it is seeing. Truly, I continuously fill both my days and yours with prayer.

I ceaselessly cense my faith with prayer, lest the scents of the world blind it.

I ceaselessly call upon all the celestial spheres to sustain me in my prayer for everlasting prayerfulness, so that I too may be deemed worthy to gaze upon that Glory and Beauty, which is wide open to their gaze.

Oh my fellow wayfarers, how majestic is the vision of faith! I swear to you, if you only knew how majestic it is, your prayer would never pause or end.

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Prayer 40

With prayer I cleanse the vision of my faith, lest it lose sight of you in the mist, O my Most Radiant Star.

"What use will your prayer be to God?" ask the swarthy workers of the earth.

You speak rightly, sons of earth. What use is the mariner's telescope to the North Star, when it sees the mariner even without a telescope? But do not ask me, since you already know, what use a telescope is to a mariner.

Prayer is necessary for me, lest I lose sight of the salvation-bearing Star, but the Star does not need it to keep from losing me.

What would become of my inner vision, if I were to stop training it with prayer?

Are the soldiers of the earth not trained, extensively and strenuously, to see targets in the distance?

Are weavers of silk not trained, extensively and strenuously, to recognize the finest fibers?

How could I not train the vision of my faith to see my sole treasure as clearly as possible?

Trapped in a web of illusions, I have barely caught sight of a way out, so do you really expect me to lose sight of it?

Get it into your heads, my fellow wayfarers, that seeing God is not a cheap affair. You who sacrifice fortunes to see the luxuriance of the tropics or the polar lights of the arctic, must pay more dearly to see the One for whom the luxuriance of the tropics is poverty and the polar lights are a tallow candle.

When you give even your entire life in order to see Him, you have barely paid a penny. Nevertheless He is mag­nanimous and good-hearted, and expects nothing more from you than this.

You who train your bodies, who every morning do not forget to exercise your arms and legs, your head and neck, are you in truth contemplative beings--you who are like samurai warriors? Are you in truth contemplative beings, if you maintain that your faith in God will become and remain clairvoyant without training? All the stars of Heaven, which have seen the experience of your fathers, bear witness to me that your faith will go blind, if indeed it had ever even begun to see at all. And in place of the lost blessing there will remain a hypocritical vision in name only.

Keep your eyes blindfolded for just three days, and afterward you will find that the light of the sun hurts them. Sever your bond with God for just three hours and you will find it painful to look at His light again.

You ask me: how long does my prayer last? Can you understand me when I tell you that it lasts longer than my days? For by my prayer I must train your faith also, and open its eyes, and show it how to see and whom it is seeing. Truly, I continuously fill both my days and yours with prayer.

I ceaselessly cense my faith with prayer, lest the scents of the world blind it.

I ceaselessly call upon all the celestial spheres to sustain me in my prayer for everlasting prayerfulness, so that I too may be deemed worthy to gaze upon that Glory and Beauty, which is wide open to their gaze.

Oh my fellow wayfarers, how majestic is the vision of faith! I swear to you, if you only knew how majestic it is, your prayer would never pause or end.

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- From Prayers by the Lake, by St. Nicolai Velimirovich

Scripture and tradition continued.

Now, for a modern take on the relationship between Scripture and Tradition, and why Fundamentalism is like extramarital sex, click here. Compare that with this, which I posted previously.

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"Now, don't get me wrong – I'm certainly not arguing here for an authoritative church tradition in the Roman Catholic sense; but I do believe that, as the Lord promised his Spirit to the church, the gathering of believers, and as He has preserved his church throughout the ages, it stands to reason that the thinking of the church on the Bible, as expressed in creeds and confessions, should factor in to our understanding of the Bible. This is surely, at the very least, a simple and modest acknowledgment that the Spirit has been indwelling the church throughout the ages, and that our own perspective is so small and limited." - Carl Trueman (emphasis in original)

Ok, I saw some pictures of this place, and I want to see it in person some time before I die.

The Hagia Sophia (Istanbul, Turkey)
Image 1
Image 2(warning, large picture)
Image 3

OMG, this is one of the funniest videos I hae seen in a while.

Blake's Big Mistake

Further Cogitations

As I reflect on what I thought and said earlier, it seems that the root of all this is a lack of faith that God desires what is good for me, that what pleases Him is what is best for me and what will result in my being happy.

Now, how do I develop faith that what God desires is what is best for me. I would imagine someone saying that I should read the Bible. However, I face the problem that I find my judgement untrustworthy as I read. I mean, there are some parts that seem relatively straightforward, but the promises that those parts make seem to only apply to believers, and I am not sure about what is true about the church and the faith that Jesus gave to the apostles.

How about talk to friends or family? Well, I face a few problems. First, I get skeptical when people tell me things, so I have a hard time accepting what they say. Second, if I were to discuss this with someone, my depressed side would probably come out, and generally that drives away my friends or confuses my family. Do you know how intimidating it is when someone you are talking to is crying about something you really don't understand. Well I don't, but I have experienced this from the position of the crying person a few times recently.

Prayer? Well, I struggle with doubts that God is really listening, that he cares about whatever I say. I know that that is dumb and wrong, but ... i dunno. It's just hard. But I do try. I pray a lot. As I am biking to class, as I am going to sleep, as I am taking a shower - whenever I find myself with some spare time and mental space, I try to pray.

So, I don't know exactly what to do. But I'll continue to pray.

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My depressed character is self-supporting. I mean, if I were to get something good, I would have a hard time getting happy or thankful. I would just get depressed about its failures, or its transience.

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School. School is really hard when you have no hope in anything really good in life. I mean, in school, you are asked to work hard. Why? So that you can get a good job. Why? so that you can support yourself and your family. etc.

So, I don't really believe I will find a good job, or that I will have a family. And that makes school a really big burden.

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Not just school, but other things too. For example, interacting with others. Interacting with others in hopes of developing friendship is difficult when you believe that all friendships will simply be transient, that they will just fade away eventually. Interacting with members of the opposite sex, in hopes of finding a GF or wife, gets hard when you don't really believe you can get a GF or wife.

Even reading the Bible is hard when you don't think you're really growing spiritually at all. I mean, sure, I am developing a lot of knowledge, but I know not if I am really growing in my faith. If anything, my faith is shaky and weak, as this entire episode about doubt and other flavors of Christianity shows.

I mean, its all really hard. I just live each day with a thought whispered in my head: None of this matters. Come tomorrow, none of this will have mattered.

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One other thing that really gets to me is that, with a lot of the things I struggle with, I am afraid to share it with others, because I don't want them to struggle with the same stuff too. How horrible it would be if my discussion of my doubts makes others doubt too, if my thoughts are wrong.

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You know, there aren't very many Christian songs that deal with doubt and depression. Most of them are all happy and, well, fake.

Scripture and Tradition

Here is something I found. This was probably written around AD 434. I thought it was an interesting commentary on "Sola Scriptura," centuries before Luther and all them came around. For more commentary, check out this post by JS Bangs.

BTW, the bolded part below is not in the original. Also, keep in mind that the usage of "Catholic" refers to the universal church, not necessarily to the Catholic Church as we would think of it today.

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A General Rule for distinguishing the Truth of the Catholic Faith from the Falsehood of Heretical Pravity.

[4.] I Have often then inquired earnestly and attentively of very many men eminent for sanctity and learning, how and by what sure and so to speak universal rule I may be able to distinguish the truth of Catholic faith from the falsehood of heretical pravity; and I have always, and in almost every instance, received an answer to this effect: That whether I or any one else should wish to detect the frauds and avoid the snares of heretics as they rise, and to continue sound and complete in the Catholic faith, we must, the Lord helping, fortify our own belief in two ways; first, by the authority of the Divine Law, and then, by the Tradition of the Catholic Church.

[5.] But here some one perhaps will ask, Since the canon of Scripture is complete, and sufficient of itself for everything, and more than sufficient, what need is there to join with it the authority of the Church's interpretation? For this reason,-because, owing to the depth of Holy Scripture, all do not accept it in one and the same sense, but one understands its words in one way, another in another; so that it seems to be capable of as many interpretations as there are interpreters. For Novatian expounds it one way, Sabellius another, Donatus another, Arius, Eunomius, Macedonius, another, Photinus, Apollinaris, Priscillian, another, Iovinian, Pelagius, Celestius, another, lastly, Nestorius another. Therefore, it is very necessary, on account of so great intricacies of such various error, that the rule for the right understanding of the prophets and apostles should be framed in accordance with the standard of Ecclesiastical and Catholic interpretation.

[6.] Moreover, in the Catholic Church itself, all possible care must be taken, that we hold that faith which has been believed everywhere, always, by all. For that is truly and in the strictest sense "Catholic," which, as the name itself and the reason of the thing declare, comprehends all universally. This rule we shall observe if we follow universality, antiquity, consent. We shall follow universality if we confess that one faith to be true, which the whole Church throughout the world confesses; antiquity, if we in no wise depart from those interpretations which it is manifest were notoriously held by our holy ancestors and fathers; consent, in like manner, if in antiquity itself we adhere to the consentient definitions and determinations of all, or at the least of almost all priests and doctors.

A Confession

I have a confession to make. I don't know who else to tell, so I'll just put it on here. So, here it is:

I am no longer convinced that "salvation by faith alone" is true.

I could talk about this more, but not here. If you wanna know more, ask me.

haha

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that for many times in his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened to be at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. At still other times in his life he could see only a single footprint, with a circle-print where the other foot should be, and a straight line between them. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it.

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow You, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only ONE set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed You the most You would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

The man felt much better, but was still perplexed. He asked: "But what of the footprints with the line and the circles? Where did they come from?"

"My son," said the Lord, with compassion in His voice, "that was when we were joined by a one-legged pirate with a wheelbarrow."