Well, it's 1AM on monday morning. Just wanted to take some time to blog.
- I am 80-85% sure that I will end up failing my classical Greek class. I don't need it to graduate, and my
senioritis is really acting up. I am about 3 chapters behind right now. I think what I have the hardest time with in that class is the exercises of translating English into Classical Greek. This seems QUITE POINTLESS, since I will not in the near future be writing letters to people living in Classical Greece.
- Still not sure what I will do after graduation. Considering the Peace Corps or Americorps or some other charity organization, but I need to take the time to look into it and get more info.
- My Birthday was alright, but relatively boring. I spent a few hours watching reviews of Board Games from
Board Games with Scott. Then, in the evening, I went with my family and some relatives visiting from Australia to
Todai.
- The biggest things on my mind recently:
- Eastern Orthodoxy and relating to God
- Relating to members of the opposite sex
I really haven't been thinking about or stressing out about school or my future career lately. I know that these things are major stressors in the lives of my peers, but they just don't strike me as particularly important or worry-worthy.
I do want to help people with what I do, which is why I am considering the previously mentioned jobs. I am not too concerned with money, because... well, I'll say it this way: People, especially my parents, tell me that I need to get a good well-paying job so that I can support my family, buy a house, live well-off, etc. etc. But, when I think about this, this doesn't really impact me but rather just bounces off, because I have great doubts about whether I will ever be able to get married. If I don't get married, then I would like to be useful and helpful to others, but I don't really care too much about all the stuff mentioned before.
thus, I don't find myself caring too much about future carrer and other such matters, but rather I am finding myself more concerned with matters of relating to members of the opposite sex, because the way I approach the former matters depends greatly on the latter matters. (Hey, look, I rhymed!)
- I've been thinking about the way I relate to God, and I realize that my love for Him is weak. I know God exists, and have relatively little doubt in this, but at the same time I find that I often would rather that He didn't exist. I would rather cease to exist at death than exist forever. I suppose this is because I have a rather dim view of heaven. All I can see right now is that I have a weak love for God, and if Heaven is being in God's presence and serving Him, then I don't see that as very appealing. I have a hard time being thankful for things, becuase, while I am very blessed, I still find many hardships, and I find myself questioning whether the good is worth the bad, and whether it would be better to not be. It's as Hamlet asks: "To be or not to be. That is the question." What I need is to either see God as good and always have that fact feeding an emotional high, and thus become like a charismatic Christian (not likely, and in my opinion not correct); or I need to get past my emotions and see God as good regardless of how I feel, and thus be like a monk or martyr: A living martyr, a living sacrifice. And I can't do either on my own; I need God to work in me and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
However, I do need to learn to obey God regardless of how I feel, because, even if I feel bad, He is still my Lord, and I need to serve Him. Even if I sometimes would rather that He didn't exist, I have to recognize that He is The One Who Is; He is YHWH. And, since He Is Who He Is, I am who I am. But, still, I need him to lead me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
So, pray for me, all you saints of God, that I might become more like Christ, holy and loving. And praise Him all you His servants.
- In related news, I think I will become Orthodox. Pray for me.
