Settling for the worst/Looking to the Best...

Dear Father in Heaven,

So, let me be quite honest: I have a real big problem with lust.

You know how this problem is one of the defining factors in who I am.

I'm not going to try and make any excuse for myself. Every time I fall to lustful temptations, I consciously decide to do it. I shall have none of this "Oh, it was an accident," garbage. Let me be clear: every time I do it, I am completely in control of my actions.

And, every time, I recognize that it is wrong and yet I continue on to sin. I recognize that my thoughts or actions are an offense to you, the Most High God, and I spit in Your face, choosing to rebel against You and do my own thing.

Lord, Your word tells me how you hate my sin. How you loathe it. How it goes against everything that you are, and how it breaks your heart.

For you, Oh Lord, are perfect in all Your ways. You are perfectly pure, perfectly loving, and perfectly holy. You are powerful, and you are just. You are love, but your Holiness makes you detest, loathe, hate sin. You made all that exists, and you made it all good. But, Lord, we, your creation, chose to rebel against you. I, oh Lord, chose to rebel against you.

Lord, what is it that I turned away from? I rejected a God who loves me with an undying love. I have rejected you, the source of all good things. I have rejected the just claims of a sovereign king.

I turned away from the very best thing: You.

And what is it that I turned towards? I turned towards filth, garbage, refuse. I turned towards things that cannot satisfy, but which leave me broken and empty. I tried to dig my own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

I settled for the very worst.

Oh, Lord, you are the God of all creation, and what was I? I was nothing but a prostitute. I was nothing but a filthy whore who sold myself to whatever presented itself to me.

But, Lord, you provided a way of salvation for me. You sent your Son to the earth. He lived a perfect life, and he endured the shame of the cross.

And for what? Why did He leave His seat in the heavens and make himself nothing?

For a nothing like me.

And you redeemed me and saved me from myself. You made me not only your servant, but also one of your children. You made me a part of your church, your body, your bride.

Lord, You deserve all the thanks and praise that i can offer. You deserve more than that: you deserve me. all of me. Fully devoted to you.

But, Lord, still I find myself whoring myself out to almost every thing that comes along. I ignore you for the beauty that exists in your creation, and I worship it.

And you see me. You watch me as I continue to reject you. And you yell at me, begging me to love you as you love me. You beg for me to give you the worship that you deserve.

And, still, I fall. I fail, and fail, and fail again. I make myself foul and filthy.

Lord, I know what I should do to turn from my ways. I know how I fail you so.

And, just as I have so many times before, Lord, I ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve your mercy. I deserve nothing but death and eternal shame.

But, still, through Jesus you offer me grace and a fresh chance.

Lord, thank you for you mercies which are new every morning. Indeed, every second of the day.

Lord, please help me to please you. Please help me to forsake all the world has for the sake of pleasing you. Please help me to do your will. Please help me to obey you with all of my life. Please make me useful to you.

Thank you, again, my greatest love.

All these things I ask that you would do for Jesus Christ's sake,

Amen