Joy...
Dear God,
What is joy?
All throughout the Bible, I hear joy mentioned.
I have told you this so that your joy may be complete. Jn 15:11
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice. Phil 4:4
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Rom 14:17
joy here, joy there, joy everywhere! But what the heck is joy?
Is it supposed to be some sort of lasting happiness? Well, I don't think that is true, because some of the best Christians I know get sad and depressed and pissed off and whatever else at times. I surely do not have lasting happiness, for I am depressed quite often, and get pissed off, sad, and whatever else. Heck, even Jesus experienced all of these things too!
If not lasting happiness, then what?
If Christians are supposed to have it, what is it, and how can I tell?
Is it supposed to be some sort of nifty feeling you get when you live lovingly and virtuously? Well, I really suck at being loving and virtuous, so I either don't have this joy, or experience it only at a very limited level, which is frustrating like crazy. And I'll be cursed with this frustration until I am fully sanctified by my God in the last day.
What the hell is joy supposed to be? Man, now I'm frustrated, angry, depressed, and a whole bunch of other feelings too.
Is it supposed to be some sort of fulfillment? Well, i fail on that one too.
God, what the heck? I am sooooo freaking tired of this life. If I am supposed to have joy, then, well, what then? I don't know what joy is, and I don't feel very "joyful", as I currently understand it. Yeah, I'm real good at acting pretty ok most of the time. And, perhaps some times I am happy. But, it always passes and goes away.
God, I feel like crap. I have faith that you can give me joy; this I know for sure. But, God, I don't have faith in me. I really suck at this entire endeavor called life. I suck at loving others. I really really suck when it comes to loving you. But I want to love you more. But, how can I when I am still me? I am stuck to being this.. this... argggghhhhh.
God, all the time, I feel like I am surrounded by all these happy, uppity Christian people. Maybe they have joy. Well, I fell pretty crappy and I don't feel like I have whatever they might have. Crap.
Father, thank you for your love to me. Thank you fo continuing to listen to me every time I come whining and complaining about stupid crap. Forgive me, please, Heavenly Father, for all of my shortcomings and failures and outright rejections of you.
God, I'm tired. I'm really really tired. I want it all to end. But, still, if you keep me here, I'll try to love others and to love you, and to do what I know you have for me to do. I'll try to make your glory recognized. I'll try to help others grow in their love for you. I'll try to be a good ambassador for you in this fallen world, and to shine like a star in the heavens. Lord, I'll try. I promise.
But, Father, I'm tired. I'm really really tired. This life can't satisfy me, I need you.And I'll try to continue to seek after you, but I know beyond any doubt that I will get in the way of me. And that sucks.
God, nothing in this world is very enjoyable. But there are definitely a lot of distracting things that will take my focus off of you and place it on them or, worse, on me. God, just please make me focus on you, or at least take these distractions away. I want this, I want that, and that other thing too. Take them away from me, or, even better, take me away from these things.
I'm tired, God. I'm tired of wanting things, and wanting things, and wanting things, and getting let down and frustrated. But, of course, either you don't want these things for me, or I'm not doing my part to get them. Well, since I am stuck to being me, I guess I'll live in frustration and unfulfillment all my life.
You know what I am really tired of, God? I'm tired of being all chipper and happy and whatnot when around others and like this when its just me, here. Maybe I'm just acting that way when i am around them. Maybe being around others cheers me up. Well, if its the first, then I'm always depressed, except sometimes I'm also a liar. And if its the second... well, that sucks too, since I don't fit in well in society, with others, and am thus destined to be alone.
I don't fit in well with guys. I don't fit in well with girls. I don't fit in well with older ppl. I don't fit in well with younger folks. I don't fit into mainstream society, yet I am still outside of the smaller groups.
I got no lasting ties anywhere. Any seeming connections with others are either not real, or they are only temporary, and they will fall away. Fade away. Into nothing.
You're here with me, of course. Then why am I not happy and all that? God, I want to want you and only you, because you are the only thing that will last. And I can't even do that right.
Lord, please sustain me until I fade away, that I might be pleasing to you and close to you. Let me not focus on anything else, but only on you. Let all else be as crap to me in comparison to knowing you.
Lord, I love you, in my own limited manner. I have faith that you are merciful and just and loving and faithful. And I have the hope that you can help and save me, even me.
Be glorified in me and in my life, and may that life be short but beautiful to you. Let everything be nothing to me except for knowing you.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength" Neh 8:10
Give me strength. Please.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
What is joy?
All throughout the Bible, I hear joy mentioned.
I have told you this so that your joy may be complete. Jn 15:11
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice. Phil 4:4
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Rom 14:17
joy here, joy there, joy everywhere! But what the heck is joy?
Is it supposed to be some sort of lasting happiness? Well, I don't think that is true, because some of the best Christians I know get sad and depressed and pissed off and whatever else at times. I surely do not have lasting happiness, for I am depressed quite often, and get pissed off, sad, and whatever else. Heck, even Jesus experienced all of these things too!
If not lasting happiness, then what?
If Christians are supposed to have it, what is it, and how can I tell?
Is it supposed to be some sort of nifty feeling you get when you live lovingly and virtuously? Well, I really suck at being loving and virtuous, so I either don't have this joy, or experience it only at a very limited level, which is frustrating like crazy. And I'll be cursed with this frustration until I am fully sanctified by my God in the last day.
What the hell is joy supposed to be? Man, now I'm frustrated, angry, depressed, and a whole bunch of other feelings too.
Is it supposed to be some sort of fulfillment? Well, i fail on that one too.
God, what the heck? I am sooooo freaking tired of this life. If I am supposed to have joy, then, well, what then? I don't know what joy is, and I don't feel very "joyful", as I currently understand it. Yeah, I'm real good at acting pretty ok most of the time. And, perhaps some times I am happy. But, it always passes and goes away.
God, I feel like crap. I have faith that you can give me joy; this I know for sure. But, God, I don't have faith in me. I really suck at this entire endeavor called life. I suck at loving others. I really really suck when it comes to loving you. But I want to love you more. But, how can I when I am still me? I am stuck to being this.. this... argggghhhhh.
God, all the time, I feel like I am surrounded by all these happy, uppity Christian people. Maybe they have joy. Well, I fell pretty crappy and I don't feel like I have whatever they might have. Crap.
Father, thank you for your love to me. Thank you fo continuing to listen to me every time I come whining and complaining about stupid crap. Forgive me, please, Heavenly Father, for all of my shortcomings and failures and outright rejections of you.
God, I'm tired. I'm really really tired. I want it all to end. But, still, if you keep me here, I'll try to love others and to love you, and to do what I know you have for me to do. I'll try to make your glory recognized. I'll try to help others grow in their love for you. I'll try to be a good ambassador for you in this fallen world, and to shine like a star in the heavens. Lord, I'll try. I promise.
But, Father, I'm tired. I'm really really tired. This life can't satisfy me, I need you.And I'll try to continue to seek after you, but I know beyond any doubt that I will get in the way of me. And that sucks.
God, nothing in this world is very enjoyable. But there are definitely a lot of distracting things that will take my focus off of you and place it on them or, worse, on me. God, just please make me focus on you, or at least take these distractions away. I want this, I want that, and that other thing too. Take them away from me, or, even better, take me away from these things.
I'm tired, God. I'm tired of wanting things, and wanting things, and wanting things, and getting let down and frustrated. But, of course, either you don't want these things for me, or I'm not doing my part to get them. Well, since I am stuck to being me, I guess I'll live in frustration and unfulfillment all my life.
You know what I am really tired of, God? I'm tired of being all chipper and happy and whatnot when around others and like this when its just me, here. Maybe I'm just acting that way when i am around them. Maybe being around others cheers me up. Well, if its the first, then I'm always depressed, except sometimes I'm also a liar. And if its the second... well, that sucks too, since I don't fit in well in society, with others, and am thus destined to be alone.
I don't fit in well with guys. I don't fit in well with girls. I don't fit in well with older ppl. I don't fit in well with younger folks. I don't fit into mainstream society, yet I am still outside of the smaller groups.
I got no lasting ties anywhere. Any seeming connections with others are either not real, or they are only temporary, and they will fall away. Fade away. Into nothing.
You're here with me, of course. Then why am I not happy and all that? God, I want to want you and only you, because you are the only thing that will last. And I can't even do that right.
Lord, please sustain me until I fade away, that I might be pleasing to you and close to you. Let me not focus on anything else, but only on you. Let all else be as crap to me in comparison to knowing you.
Lord, I love you, in my own limited manner. I have faith that you are merciful and just and loving and faithful. And I have the hope that you can help and save me, even me.
Be glorified in me and in my life, and may that life be short but beautiful to you. Let everything be nothing to me except for knowing you.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength" Neh 8:10
Give me strength. Please.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
posted by thebrainkid at 7/06/2005 02:29:00 AM
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