Analyzing "love", from inside and out, and other thoughts...

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today, as you know, I watched the movie of "The Phantom of the Opera." What an amazing experience that was.

Lord, thank you for enabling humans to make such things of beauty. Of course, the beauty of human products cannot compare to the beauty of Your creation, oh Lord, but still, they can be beautiful. Of course, their beauty can only come from their ability to mimic or represent the beauty which comes from you.

Lord, thank you for making humans capable to experience beauty and also to derive pleasure from it. You bless us, Lord, by letting us notice and enjoy such beauty, whether it be visual, audial, or whatever else. Of course, the beauty of your creation totally fails in contrast to your beauty. Lord, forgive me for often forgetting that, and for placing created things above the Creator, for making idols, and for trying to ignore you, the fountain of living water, and trying to dig my own broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

Let me return to discussing the movie, Lord. ... After I finished watching this movie, Lord, I must admit, I felt quite stirred within. Lord, you know my heart, and you know how watching that movie made me feel quite amorous (not in the sexual sense, as you already know, my Lord; I find I must explain this so that others who might also read this may not be confused.) That is, I was filled with feelings that pointed to love, especially that of the romantic sort.

Lord, how great is that power which movies have to affect emotion and feelings! Lord, I pray that you would help me, regardless of what is affecting my emotions and feelings, to always consider how to best glorify you.

Anyway, as I said above, watching the movie left me feeling quite amorous. And, Lord, as I sat there afterwards, thinking about the movie, I looked within myself and began to analyze such feelings.

I began to think about how, if I were outside of myself, that is, if I were analyzing someone else who was as I was then, I would have wondered if such feelings were simply desires of lust. As you know, Lord, feelings towards love and temptations toward lust can look so very similar. In fact, as you also know, many scientists today look at the incredible similarity here and will simply say that they are one and the same and that any differentiation between what are labelled feelings toward love and what are labelled temptations toward lust is simply mistaken and misguided.

But, Lord, thank you for granting me insight on this matter through the writings of CS Lewis. In one of his essays, "Jack" writes about the problem of transposition; that is, the problem of trying to describe a more complex system by means of a less complex system, such as trying to represent spoken language through written symbols, or trying to draw a 2D picture representing the 3D world.
He notes that any such attempts must be incapable of fully describing the more complex system.

For instance, one example that has been shown in our modern world is to be found in saying and writing the word "dude." Yes, one can write the word, but the simple representation of the English alphabet is incapable of fully describing all the different ways the word can be said. It might be said very long, or it might be said for only half a second. it might be said with a very high pitch, or it might be said with a more bass pitch. It might be said in so many different ways, and yet the written representation only shows one thing.

So, to bring this to the topic at hand, when we try to describe the more complex system that embodies the spiritual and the emotional with the less complex system of a scientific, physicalist viewpoint, we must invariably fail. We will be incapable of describing the difference between feelings toward love and feelings toward lust because, from the point of view of the physical, they are the same. however, when one looks at them from a higher, more complex viewpoint, they are shown to be undeniably different. So we must look at such things not with a physicalist viewpoint, but rather with one that takes into account the emotional and spiritual aspects of a thing.

But, of course, Lord, you know all this.

So, I sat there, looking within, thinking about what exactly this feeling was exactly. Was it innocent, or was it possibly something defiled?

And, after looking at it for a while, I faced a problem. To put it simply, I knew not whether it was innocent or something defiled by sin. Of course, I had thoughts concerning these things, but I do not know if I am right or if my thoughts on such things can even be trusted. The problem is one of epistemology: I doubt if I do know or can know such things. Can I be trusted in these matters, or does my sinful nature make me untrustworthy even in these things?

To be safe, I find myself always assuming the second of these two, that I am untrustworthy in such things, and thus I am very cautious to do something if it might possibly end up with me sinning. Of course, even with such caution, I will put myself in situations where I am likely to sin.

Lord, what an untrustworthy fellow I am! But, Lord, You are always trustworthy and honest. Lord, if only I could hear your voice and know your will without the problem of my fallibility and untrustworthiness showing up! If only!

Lord, this is like the problem of interpreting your word. Your word is infallible (in the original sources). But, Lord, my ability to interpret and understand the meaning and message of your word is tainted by the simple fact that it is I who is trying to interpret and understand.

Lord, am I to always be limited and constrained by such doubts and thoughts of my untrustworthiness? Am I to always struggle with the issue of whether or not I can be trusted in some matter?

Lord, please help me.

For Christ's sake,
Amen