A realization...

I think too freaking much. Let me be real right now: I am physically tired from thinking too much today. I have had trouble paying attention, trouble thinking about my plans for the day, even trouble breathing. This stuff is really wearing me out.

But, then again, I am pretty sure that all the stuff I have in my mind is important and "thought-worthy." And they are all things in Phil 4: true, noble, right, etc. At least, as far as I can tell.

So, I continue to mentally wear myself out, which leads to physical weariness.

You know, I am reminded of the passage in Philippians 3, where it says "being like Christ in his death." A lot of the stuff I am going through feels like suffering, but I endure these things in order that I may do what pleases God and that I may bring glory to Him. And Christ endured these things.

See also Heb 12.

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

A Father's Discipline

4You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;

5and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
"MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,
NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;
6FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,
AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES."

7It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

8But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

9Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?

10For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.

11All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

--------------------------

God, this is all so very hard and tiring, but I trust that you will help me to grow deeper in love with you as a result of all this. May these hardships and sufferings be helpful to me. And, God, I really hope you don't let me down. I am trying to lean on you as much as I can, but.. its really hard. I don't know what I am doing, so please guide my steps and my path. Be glorified and pleased in me.
In Jesus' Name, AMEN