An Update
Well, it's 1AM on monday morning. Just wanted to take some time to blog.
- I am 80-85% sure that I will end up failing my classical Greek class. I don't need it to graduate, and my senioritis is really acting up. I am about 3 chapters behind right now. I think what I have the hardest time with in that class is the exercises of translating English into Classical Greek. This seems QUITE POINTLESS, since I will not in the near future be writing letters to people living in Classical Greece.
- Still not sure what I will do after graduation. Considering the Peace Corps or Americorps or some other charity organization, but I need to take the time to look into it and get more info.
- My Birthday was alright, but relatively boring. I spent a few hours watching reviews of Board Games from Board Games with Scott. Then, in the evening, I went with my family and some relatives visiting from Australia to Todai.
- The biggest things on my mind recently:
- Eastern Orthodoxy and relating to God
- Relating to members of the opposite sex
I really haven't been thinking about or stressing out about school or my future career lately. I know that these things are major stressors in the lives of my peers, but they just don't strike me as particularly important or worry-worthy.
I do want to help people with what I do, which is why I am considering the previously mentioned jobs. I am not too concerned with money, because... well, I'll say it this way: People, especially my parents, tell me that I need to get a good well-paying job so that I can support my family, buy a house, live well-off, etc. etc. But, when I think about this, this doesn't really impact me but rather just bounces off, because I have great doubts about whether I will ever be able to get married. If I don't get married, then I would like to be useful and helpful to others, but I don't really care too much about all the stuff mentioned before.
thus, I don't find myself caring too much about future carrer and other such matters, but rather I am finding myself more concerned with matters of relating to members of the opposite sex, because the way I approach the former matters depends greatly on the latter matters. (Hey, look, I rhymed!)
- I've been thinking about the way I relate to God, and I realize that my love for Him is weak. I know God exists, and have relatively little doubt in this, but at the same time I find that I often would rather that He didn't exist. I would rather cease to exist at death than exist forever. I suppose this is because I have a rather dim view of heaven. All I can see right now is that I have a weak love for God, and if Heaven is being in God's presence and serving Him, then I don't see that as very appealing. I have a hard time being thankful for things, becuase, while I am very blessed, I still find many hardships, and I find myself questioning whether the good is worth the bad, and whether it would be better to not be. It's as Hamlet asks: "To be or not to be. That is the question." What I need is to either see God as good and always have that fact feeding an emotional high, and thus become like a charismatic Christian (not likely, and in my opinion not correct); or I need to get past my emotions and see God as good regardless of how I feel, and thus be like a monk or martyr: A living martyr, a living sacrifice. And I can't do either on my own; I need God to work in me and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
However, I do need to learn to obey God regardless of how I feel, because, even if I feel bad, He is still my Lord, and I need to serve Him. Even if I sometimes would rather that He didn't exist, I have to recognize that He is The One Who Is; He is YHWH. And, since He Is Who He Is, I am who I am. But, still, I need him to lead me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
So, pray for me, all you saints of God, that I might become more like Christ, holy and loving. And praise Him all you His servants.
- In related news, I think I will become Orthodox. Pray for me.
- I am 80-85% sure that I will end up failing my classical Greek class. I don't need it to graduate, and my senioritis is really acting up. I am about 3 chapters behind right now. I think what I have the hardest time with in that class is the exercises of translating English into Classical Greek. This seems QUITE POINTLESS, since I will not in the near future be writing letters to people living in Classical Greece.
- Still not sure what I will do after graduation. Considering the Peace Corps or Americorps or some other charity organization, but I need to take the time to look into it and get more info.
- My Birthday was alright, but relatively boring. I spent a few hours watching reviews of Board Games from Board Games with Scott. Then, in the evening, I went with my family and some relatives visiting from Australia to Todai.
- The biggest things on my mind recently:
- Eastern Orthodoxy and relating to God
- Relating to members of the opposite sex
I really haven't been thinking about or stressing out about school or my future career lately. I know that these things are major stressors in the lives of my peers, but they just don't strike me as particularly important or worry-worthy.
I do want to help people with what I do, which is why I am considering the previously mentioned jobs. I am not too concerned with money, because... well, I'll say it this way: People, especially my parents, tell me that I need to get a good well-paying job so that I can support my family, buy a house, live well-off, etc. etc. But, when I think about this, this doesn't really impact me but rather just bounces off, because I have great doubts about whether I will ever be able to get married. If I don't get married, then I would like to be useful and helpful to others, but I don't really care too much about all the stuff mentioned before.
thus, I don't find myself caring too much about future carrer and other such matters, but rather I am finding myself more concerned with matters of relating to members of the opposite sex, because the way I approach the former matters depends greatly on the latter matters. (Hey, look, I rhymed!)
- I've been thinking about the way I relate to God, and I realize that my love for Him is weak. I know God exists, and have relatively little doubt in this, but at the same time I find that I often would rather that He didn't exist. I would rather cease to exist at death than exist forever. I suppose this is because I have a rather dim view of heaven. All I can see right now is that I have a weak love for God, and if Heaven is being in God's presence and serving Him, then I don't see that as very appealing. I have a hard time being thankful for things, becuase, while I am very blessed, I still find many hardships, and I find myself questioning whether the good is worth the bad, and whether it would be better to not be. It's as Hamlet asks: "To be or not to be. That is the question." What I need is to either see God as good and always have that fact feeding an emotional high, and thus become like a charismatic Christian (not likely, and in my opinion not correct); or I need to get past my emotions and see God as good regardless of how I feel, and thus be like a monk or martyr: A living martyr, a living sacrifice. And I can't do either on my own; I need God to work in me and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
However, I do need to learn to obey God regardless of how I feel, because, even if I feel bad, He is still my Lord, and I need to serve Him. Even if I sometimes would rather that He didn't exist, I have to recognize that He is The One Who Is; He is YHWH. And, since He Is Who He Is, I am who I am. But, still, I need him to lead me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
So, pray for me, all you saints of God, that I might become more like Christ, holy and loving. And praise Him all you His servants.
- In related news, I think I will become Orthodox. Pray for me.
posted by thebrainkid at 10/16/2006 01:06:00 AM
3 Comments:
In the grand scheme of life it is more important who you are than what you do or who you are with. If you get the first one even close the others just seem to take care of themselves. If you try to define who you are by either of the other two, you become made in something/someone elses image and likeness, which will kill you and your spirit. Find yourself in God at all costs first.
I seriously urge you to think twice before committing to the eastern orthodoxy; please read Galatians. If you want to discuss why, I'd like to talk to you, but if you've made up your mind, well, discussing this won't be as productive. You have my number.
Hey austin,
Actually, I just looked, and I don't think I do have your number or your email address. I sent you a message in your Xanga inbox. Please read it and email me when you can. Ok, hope to hear from you.
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