Another year gone.
Well, here I am at the end of another year.
Looking back at this past year, there's so much that has happened, and also so little.
For instance, I finally finished at Berkeley. yay.
But, I am still without a girlfriend. sigh.
I've think that I've grown much spiritually this past year, and yet I seem to be in the same place I was last year.
I still have a hard time being happy with my life. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I still look back at the whole "Person A" thing with a lot of sorrow and regret. I don't hold it against her, and I still pray for her almost daily.
sigh.
I guess the big thing is that I still don't have much hope. I mean, while I still "hope" to find a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and raise a great family, I don't think there's much "hope" in that actually happening, any of it.
I still hope to finally be happy with God, but hope is slowly fading. More on this in another post.
I don't know what to expect in this new year. I can tell you what my plans are, but... we'll see how those play out.
Let's just hope that things get better. Or that I get better.
Or both.
Looking back at this past year, there's so much that has happened, and also so little.
For instance, I finally finished at Berkeley. yay.
But, I am still without a girlfriend. sigh.
I've think that I've grown much spiritually this past year, and yet I seem to be in the same place I was last year.
I still have a hard time being happy with my life. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I still look back at the whole "Person A" thing with a lot of sorrow and regret. I don't hold it against her, and I still pray for her almost daily.
sigh.
I guess the big thing is that I still don't have much hope. I mean, while I still "hope" to find a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and raise a great family, I don't think there's much "hope" in that actually happening, any of it.
I still hope to finally be happy with God, but hope is slowly fading. More on this in another post.
I don't know what to expect in this new year. I can tell you what my plans are, but... we'll see how those play out.
Let's just hope that things get better. Or that I get better.
Or both.
posted by thebrainkid at 12/31/2006 10:51:00 PM
1 Comments:
God's mercy is often severe. The pruning and shaping of our life is never understood in process, only in retrospect. The pain we are experiencing is shaping us, and sometimes is curing us as our malignancies and even just warts are being cut off. It is indeed hard to be happy with God. St. Therese of Avila at the end of her life of despondency and despair asked God why He was so distant and left her in darkness so often.
God said, "Because you are my friend." And she answered, "It's no wonder you have so few..." The greatest saints experience the most pain. Hang in there.
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