Yet another adventure into the "unbearable tediousness of being"...
Well, by now you should realize that I don't really write about happy things. Hmm, I'll have to work on that...
So, here I am once again, in the middle of a study session (again for EE40, like yesterday). And, again, I am beginning to feel overcome with all of the terrible pointlesness of it all.
(Oh, yeah, please forgive my last big post. It was just me rambling about a lot of things, with no real structure, or at least a very bad one. Hopefully I'll be clearer in this one.)
So, where do I stand? How am I?...
Well, I've begun looking at that entire thing I was talking about last time, about how I would rather not have to know ppl, how I would like to not need or desire intimacy. And, well, I now think that that's really important and one of the things that shapes who I am.
But why am I that way? Well, I suppose there are a few possible reasons:
1) I am a selfish punk.
2) I am uncomfortable about who I am.
3) I am uncomfortable with how other ppl are.
4) I would like to be totally self-sufficient. (perhaps an extension of 1)
and there are probably a bunch more. I really don't feel like analyzing all of this now, so I'll maybe get to it some other time.
----------------
So, here are some questions that I have been thinking about (not just recently, necessarily, but maybe for a while):
1) In our modern world, we still have the model of the Christian who goes out and really evangelizes in the community. However, what about some of the other models which have existed in the past? For instance, that of a monk or hermit? Do those exist today? If not, why not?
2) In Matthew 22, who is the man without wedding clothes supposed to represent?
3) How do I function in the body of Christ, the church, even with the problem mentioned above which I struggle with?
4) What am supposed to be doing? (concerning school and all else)
5) Do the parables about the treasure in the field and the pearl of great price really refer to how we should treasure God above all else, or does it mean otherwise?
6) What does it mean to love someone? I mean, we have descriptions of love all throughout the Bible (such as in 1 Cor 13), and we have a great deal of commands to love (such as in the whole book of 1 Jn). But what does it mean to love? Might we be wrong about our assumption that love requires a personal relationship between the two parties involved? I was thinking about the parable of the good Samaritan, and I realized that the samaritan did not know the wounded man in a personal way, and yet this is the explanation that jesus gives for what it means to love one's neighbor.
7) Why is it that I will complain about some stuff being pointless and accomplishing nothing (such as much of school) while I enjoy spending my time on other pointless activities which don't really accomplish anything (such as knitting)?
--------------------
A Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your continuing patience with me. I realize that I am lazy, stubborn, and self-seeking in many ways, but Lord, I would much rather be pleasing to you than to stay as I am. Lord, Father, please help me. I don't know why I am doing what I am doing, and I dont know what to do otherwise. Lord, please show me what you would have me to do that I might serve You and glorify You, and thus that I might experience the joy which is to be found only in you. Give me patience too.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen
----------------------------
So, here I am once again, in the middle of a study session (again for EE40, like yesterday). And, again, I am beginning to feel overcome with all of the terrible pointlesness of it all.
(Oh, yeah, please forgive my last big post. It was just me rambling about a lot of things, with no real structure, or at least a very bad one. Hopefully I'll be clearer in this one.)
So, where do I stand? How am I?...
Well, I've begun looking at that entire thing I was talking about last time, about how I would rather not have to know ppl, how I would like to not need or desire intimacy. And, well, I now think that that's really important and one of the things that shapes who I am.
But why am I that way? Well, I suppose there are a few possible reasons:
1) I am a selfish punk.
2) I am uncomfortable about who I am.
3) I am uncomfortable with how other ppl are.
4) I would like to be totally self-sufficient. (perhaps an extension of 1)
and there are probably a bunch more. I really don't feel like analyzing all of this now, so I'll maybe get to it some other time.
----------------
So, here are some questions that I have been thinking about (not just recently, necessarily, but maybe for a while):
1) In our modern world, we still have the model of the Christian who goes out and really evangelizes in the community. However, what about some of the other models which have existed in the past? For instance, that of a monk or hermit? Do those exist today? If not, why not?
2) In Matthew 22, who is the man without wedding clothes supposed to represent?
3) How do I function in the body of Christ, the church, even with the problem mentioned above which I struggle with?
4) What am supposed to be doing? (concerning school and all else)
5) Do the parables about the treasure in the field and the pearl of great price really refer to how we should treasure God above all else, or does it mean otherwise?
6) What does it mean to love someone? I mean, we have descriptions of love all throughout the Bible (such as in 1 Cor 13), and we have a great deal of commands to love (such as in the whole book of 1 Jn). But what does it mean to love? Might we be wrong about our assumption that love requires a personal relationship between the two parties involved? I was thinking about the parable of the good Samaritan, and I realized that the samaritan did not know the wounded man in a personal way, and yet this is the explanation that jesus gives for what it means to love one's neighbor.
7) Why is it that I will complain about some stuff being pointless and accomplishing nothing (such as much of school) while I enjoy spending my time on other pointless activities which don't really accomplish anything (such as knitting)?
--------------------
A Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your continuing patience with me. I realize that I am lazy, stubborn, and self-seeking in many ways, but Lord, I would much rather be pleasing to you than to stay as I am. Lord, Father, please help me. I don't know why I am doing what I am doing, and I dont know what to do otherwise. Lord, please show me what you would have me to do that I might serve You and glorify You, and thus that I might experience the joy which is to be found only in you. Give me patience too.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen
----------------------------
posted by thebrainkid at 4/14/2005 12:59:00 AM
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